Wishing Upon A Star

2006-10-20T23:15:00.000-07:00

I am scared. In fact, scared is an understatement. You know I am hardly a good writer, so all the things I am typing down at this moment, are nothing but my true innermost feelings.

My depression has hit its peak this week, and I am completely drained out. I may not be the nicest person on planet Earth, but at least I try to be good to everyone. So why do they have to be so mean to me?

These few days I stay idle at home , pretending to forget the existence of the upcoming 'a' levels exams and old school nightmares. But memories are not something you can pick and choose.

The house feels empty most of the time. Parents gone off to work, sister at school, maid busy taking care of grandma... I am the only person not working hard in this family. And I hate being like this. I want to contribute my part as well. But it seems that nothing is working. I think I am trying to give up on myself. Skipping mock exams, avoiding people, acting like a nervous wreck... Anything to make myself miserable, I'll do it.

I wonder what I am. Am I of some value to some people? Or am I just a living corpse? I guess that I belong to the second one.

2006-10-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

"Maybe if I am able to start my life anew,
I will be a happier person."

But isn't this what most people want as well?

2006-10-16T17:08:00.000-07:00

numb.
lost sense of direction.
reach the dead end.
letting it go.

2006-10-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

Grandma finally returned from the hospital yesterday, but in a entirely different condition. She is not able to move her limbs at all. There is a tube that is attached to her nose and liquid food is then poured through the tube into her body. 3 of her toes had actually turned black due to poor blood circulation. It was really painful to see her suffer like this. Sometimes she would open up her eyes as if she is trying to say something, but of course given her current condition, she is unable to.

2006-09-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through the October issue of TEENAGE magazine when I saw this:

DEATH NOTE

Release Date: 19 October
Directed By: Kaneko Shusuke
Cast: Tatsuya Fujiwara, Ken'ichi Matsuyama, Asaka Seto

Whoever has possession of the Notebook can summon a murderous demon just by writing the name of the victim in its pages. Death Note is a horror film adapted from the hit Japanese manga, and the lead actors do a fantatic job capturing the exact mannerism of their intended characters. Raito Yagami, a cool and smart student, has somehow gotten his hands on this notebook and is determined to kill off the evildoers in order to create a better society. He knows that killing is wrong but his altruistic nature gets better of him. Can the mysterious hero, L, catch Raito before he gets outof control?

Do you know what this means? Yes, the Deathnote movie is showing here!!! Whoo~!

2006-09-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

About 3 1/2 more hours before my Econ Prelim Paper 03 exam starts. Why, you may wonder, am I updating my blog at this time then? Shouldn't I be studying or resting right now?

Well, something happened at home yesterday. My grandma who lives with my family, was sent to the hospital. She has suffered a stroke.

From what I was told by my mum, grandma's condition is so bad that she can hardly move. Dad even had to sign an agreement or something with the hospital that if grandma were to pass away, they would not be held responsible.

When I heard of the news, I was totally shocked. Although grandma lives with us for many years now, unlike in the past, I seldom talk to her when I grow up. I remembered the last time I talked to her, was when I went to help the maid to put some medication on her wound.

Sigh, I regret learning to appreciate my loved ones only when I start to lose them...

2006-08-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

I finally stepped out of the house after idling at home for almost 2 days. I went to the library and borrowed some books on adobe photoshop. I think I am okay when comes to designing still images, but when comes to creating media such as flash movies, I am totally helpless.

I also went online today to watch a new Taiwanese drama called 'Silence', acted by Vic Chou, Andy Hui and Park Eun Hye. It was such a coincidence that Vic Chou is the male lead of this show , as I have just watched his previous drama series 'MARS' not too long ago. To be honest, I feel that the drama is too melodramatic and there is hardly any reason for me to continue watching at the beginning. I therefore, skipped several episodes and went on to watch the latest episode (12th episode) =P. In the episode, it seemed that the mood has lightened up a fair bit and the story plot had gotten more interesting. So in the end, I still watched the entire show. ^_^ Guess I am really bored eh?

2006-08-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

I think I have scared my mum badly that night. Dad too, nearly had a heart attack, and my sister thought I had went crazy. I guess they didn't know what went wrong with me. Not that I would tell them. Since young, I always have this bad habit of bottling up my feelings until one day, I cannot contain it any longer and burst out confessing everything.

They believed that I did that because of the stress from studies and school. My mother ended up telling me people who did this, are brainless and have never spared a thought for the parents who bring them up. Perhaps she thought that those harsh words would make me think twice before doing such a thing again. But honestly, her words didn't help me at all.

However as always, by the next morning, my family would choose to forget everything that happened that night and pretended that nothing was wrong. In my mind, it was for the best.

2006-07-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, Ms Lai had called my parents this afternoon when they were at work. *insert horrified scream here* That's really a nice birthday present. -_-" Since my dad won't be free on next Wednesday, my mum will have to meet the school principal instead.

I don't know if Ms Lai can speak Chinese fluently, but I know she will have to on that fateful day, as my mum can't even string three English words together properly. ^^;; And when I asked my mum for the call's details, I found out that the meeting would only take about half an hour (Ms Lai said so). HALF AN HOUR????!!!! Goodness, what is she going to talk about? I know it's about me and my sucky mid-year exam results, but... Well, wish me good luck.

2006-07-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

I just found out that people who received triple Fs for the mid-year exams, will have to meet the school principal WITH their parents. Since I'm one of them, I think I'm doomed for sure... But somehow I still managed to keep myself pretty happy until school had ended. Weird huh?

2006-07-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

Haha, go watch this video *here*. It's really funny, especially towards the end of the clip.

2006-07-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

I bought a set of vcds yesterday. It is a 21-episode drama based on a japanese manga titled 'MARS'. I watched the first few episodes on YouTube and loved it. It has lots of angsty scenes such as a guy seeing his twin jumping off a building, an overprotective mother who tried to kill her own son etc. Overall, I liked the most of the songs used in the drama and the actors were very natural on screen. Plus the fact that both the main characters (Da S from ASOS and Vic Chou from F4) ended up as real-life lovers just makes it all the more convincing too. ^^

2006-06-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

Don't know why, but I feel like pouring out all my thoughts here these few days. Guess exam stress has finally got onto me? Haha. Anyway, I had my geography mid-year exam this morning and I only have one word for it: TERRIBLE. Sigh, what's worse is that I just realized I got the exam format wrong 1/2 an hour before the actual exam. What to do, what to do...

At first, I thought I would be upset about flunking my geo exam when I realised that today's physical geo test WITH essay questions, but oddly enough, I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be.

I think it is probably because I have lost my direction whem comes to my education. Many people would say things like having a good education is like having bright future ahead of you. but I often question myself if this is the truth. Call me __ if you want, but even if it is the truth, I am an easily contented person, I don't think I need so much school-based education at this moment.

Besides, unlike in the past when I actually had a burning passion for studying, I grew tired of learning things that I don't even know why am I learning in the first place. And whenever that thought come into my mind, I will lose my motivation to study. I mean, come on, I can't even find a proper reason for me to work hard right now. So, physically I may be sitting in my room staring at my textbook, but none of the facts will get into my head.

Therefore, I need a break to rediscover my aim of studying at a junior college. The problem is, I don't have to time for that. Junior college life is like an express train that once you're on it, you can't expect it to slow down and wait for you.

So right now, I am like chasing after the train without knowing where is it heading... Sad, isn't it?

2006-06-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

Suddenly feel that my house resembled a mini counselling centre. These few days, relatives have been visiting my family and telling us their problems, as though expecting us to help or console them. But I didn't feel well these days and really need to rest properly , so I didn't really welcome these unexpected guests... But my heart twinged when my aunt came over and told me about her daughter's recent condition.

My cousin had mental problems during her university days and had never really recovered from it. Despite of that, her university friend still fell in love with her and even married her shortly after graduation. Sounds like a fairytale with a happy ending? You can't be even more wrong.

A few years later, it seemed that her husband finally got tired of my cousin's occasional 'weird' behaviour and wanted a divorce. My cousin was of course, devastated. From what I had heard from my aunt, my cousin's husband had an affair with his children's nanny. But that was not what made me mad. What really made me want to kick him, was that he actually threw my cousin out of the house and prevented her from seeing her two children. He even said that he would be fighting for his children's custody. Predictably, my cousin's mental instabilty worsened drastically.

My ex-cousin-in-law, why marry my cousin when you are unable to accept her fully?

2006-05-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

She's always making me feel small. That woman. As usual, she came over totally uninvited and then had a looooong chat with her gossiping girlfriends whom she had brought along for unknown reasons. At first when the doorbell rang, I thought it as just a stranger and told my maid not to open the door. But my maid actually ignored me and went to open the door for her! (She apparrently recognized that woman...)Honestly. What is the world coming to?

That woman then asked if she could get some drinks from the fridge, when her friends had already FINISHED the drinks. Argh, I don't care anymore. Oh god, they're still laughing like hyenas. why can't they just take my less-than-welcome look as a hint and evacuate quickly before I finally explode?

2006-05-26T03:33:00.000-07:00

Got a sore eye this morning, so I went to see a doctor. After applying the eyedrop, my left eye felt much better now, which is lucky as I'll be going to a guitar concert this evening.

2006-05-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

I totally in love with Bleach now!!! It's such a wonderful anime! After Slam Dunk, this is the first time I am into a particular anime! I wanted to buy the anime vcd/dvd at Laser Flair, but there wasn't any Bleach items on sale. I even went to check out Poh Kim, but I got the same results in the end. Sigh, it's really hard to get anime stuff in Singapore, unless you have been to places or have wide connections. For a stay-at-home type person like me, that sure sucks. =P

2006-05-12T14:46:00.001-07:00

These few days have been hell for me. Barely had ten hours of sleep for the past two to three days... But again, all of this is now over!!!! Can finally take a break now..

Anyway, for those feeling sad and depressed, go watch this video. I'm sure it will brighten your day.

2006-05-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since I last updated this blog... Sigh, today I am in that sulky and self-pitying mood today again... Nothing seems to be able to perk me up and I feel like puking throughout the day... Lucky I got to leave school early today. Do I sound monotonous? Argh, whatever. Can't think clearly right now.

2006-04-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

It's good Friday, but I'm not feeling too good today. Sigh, I feel very lethargic, not wanting to do anything. But you know, there are so many school stuff waiting for me to complete that I simply can't afford to have a full day off. So I'll most likely finish my tasks later in the night. Oh ya, I've added 2 more photos to the photo gallery. The first one is a screenshot of my desktop, while the second one is the picture of A*mei's album that I had bought yesterday.

2006-04-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

Take a look at the two pictures above. The one on the left is a SIM character created by me (her hair and costume belong to other SIM creator), while the other one on the right is downloaded from a SIMS website. They are really nicely done, aren't they? *smile* Maybe you think that it isn't a big deal, but just look at my previous SIM:

Can you see the difference now?

2006-03-27T20:18:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD. I don't believe this. Yea, I sounded quite bimbotic, but OH MY GOD! I just met Melanie at MJ this evening. And you know what the best part is, I was totally stumped then. My mind just completely shut down and I ended up staring at her, not believing my eyes. Guess I'm a bit SLOW huh?

Melanie was my best friend back in my primary school days and I must say, she had been a very good friend to me and Sabrina. Having lost contact with her for almost five years, I gave up hopes on ever seeing her again. So can you imagine how shocked I was to see her? If you can't, see the above.

Well, she asked what class I am currently in. I think she told me what her class was, but I couldn't remember anything she said at that time!! I even forgot to ask for her handphone number. Argh, I am such a idiot sometimes.

2006-03-24T14:53:00.000-08:00

Haha, finally finished doing this layout. I'm too lazy to type out the entire code, so I ended up using FrontPage instead.. =P The picture is beautiful, isn't it? It's from a japanese anime called 'Loveless'. I forgot where I got the midi from, but I remembered that it was self-composed by someone.

Well, I had a short day at school, so I am still quite hyper right now. Anyway, got to go now.

2006-03-23T22:17:00.000-08:00

Just went and watched the short video clip. It's fan-made Inuyasha video and it's really damn funny. Go and view it here.

2006-03-22T18:05:00.000-08:00

Wah... Block test is finally over, at least for my class. =P Anyway, I've been too busy to write any blog entries during the hols for obvious reasons, so here's a short sum-up.

Well, I went to watch 'Date Movie' during the one-week holiday with Chai Tse and Meiting. I think it was supposed to a comedy, but I just can't laugh at most of the jokes. The jokes in the movie were mostly taken from other movies such as 'Legally Blonde', 'Meet The Fockers' etc... So you can say that the jokes are pretty boring. And here comes the BIG part. Can you possibly imagine a man licking a clump of frizzy hair off another man's sweaty chest? Okay, I may be a bit too descriptive, but you get the picture right? I certainly have only one word for that particular scene. GROSS. What's worse is that I still have the image stuck in my head. *shudders*

Anyway, the rest of my holidays is quite boring. Sleeping, eating, studying, slacking... Nothing much to talk about.

2006-03-11T17:08:00.000-08:00

Went out for a dental appointment this morning. On my way there, I saw some secondary school students holding tin cans and asking passers-by for donation. When one of them asked me for donation, I kindly refused and explained to her that I had no spare change (save for some $10 notes). Well, you can't expect me to donate ten bucks, can you? And this was how she replied: "But at the front, there will be also a lot of students asking for donations."

That reply really struck me hard. Most people (including me) don't volunteer to donate their money (or rather coins), but to avoid being 'pestered' by endless stream of the secondary school students asking for donations, people like us have no choice but to donate at least once and take the donation stickers. In fact, I admit that sometimes I don't even know which charity organisation I am helping. Besides, in Singapore, you don't really see people refuse to donate. Doing that is almost as though you are showing people that you are incompassionate.

Perhaps these donations will help the charity organisations eventually. But if you ask me if such donations are meaningful at all, I will have to give you a negative answer.

2006-03-10T01:29:00.000-08:00

Did almost nothing that is productive today, unless you count spending hours on the computer and chatting endlessly with my sister. Sigh, what can I say? I am born lazy. =P Anyway, I went to do a new layout this evening and I have to say this is my favourite layout so far. I really like its simplicity and the music. I may do some more editing on this layout tomorrow though, if I have the time.

2006-03-05T16:08:00.000-08:00

Can't sleep last night. Too exhausted.

2006-02-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

Highlight of the day: February issue of 'Musings @ Meridian' is finally out!!!!

I didn't know the school newsletter would be given out today, so imagine how surprised I was, when I saw people holding a copy of the newsletter in their hands. It really feels good to see people reading the issue, and I prefer to turn a blind eye to those who chose to discard their copy without even bothering to read it. =)

I didn't even bear to fold my beloved A3 size newsletter in half for convenience's sake. So I ended up carrying the issue around in school for most of the day...

2006-02-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

Whoa, long time never update blog already... I am slightly free at this moment, so I am updating my blog now. Been super busy since last week. First is the deadline of the feb school newletter, then comes the Soiree event... *Throbbing headache* Man, I wonder how did I manage to survive that week...

Today's luck has been pretty bad. Got called up twice during lectures. I was labelled the 'Super Student' or something lke that (sarcasm, of course) by the econ lecturer. Come to think of it, that was quite funny.

I went to do a personality quiz just now and this is the result:

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Mm... Never expected to be sorted into Gryffindor. I always thought I would either be in Hufflepuff or Slytherin...

2006-02-08T21:30:00.000-08:00

Feel extremely sick and tired today. I got hit by a bout of flu, cough and a severe headache. I felt guilty as hell right now for messing up the February issue.

First of all, I left my disk with the content inside my computer, causing inconvenience for Ms Huda and Jingfang. Secondly, I forgot to take out the "Interview with Muslim" from the content page, and ending up editing the content page at the last minute. Thirdly, I used the wrong edited article for "Who's Your Valentine's Date This Year?"

The worst thing is that, they didn't even blame me... As a result, I can't even rest peacefully after the trip to the printing company. God, why am I such a blur sotong??

2006-02-02T22:21:00.000-08:00

Don't know what is wrong with me these days. First, I got a bloodied lower lip after being hit by my own bottle. Then, my upper lips got cut by my braces when a ball hit me. Honestly, am I cursed or what?

Sigh, I have a 3.8km run tomorrow. It seems that I will always feel extremely depressed before running. Despite the fact that I had been to Bedok reservior before, I forgot how to get there. So my dad actually went and showed me a MAP before telling me the directions. Man, I can't get any more embarrassed than this.

2006-01-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

Went to watch 'Memoirs of a Geisha' with Chai Tse yesterday. The movie is superb!!!! The story developed pretty slowly, but I still love it. The visual effects were artistically beautiful and Zhang Ziyi acted really well in my opinion. The movie had realy widened my horizon and allowed me to understand more about the old Japanese culture.

Don't know the reason why, but I did a lot of thinking about life these few days, especially after watching the 'Constantine' vcd. You know, silly little things like 'How are our personalities determined - by nature or nurture?' and 'Will I regret anything when I finally breathe my last breath?'. Sigh, must be because I am free nowadays. =P These questions are nothing too profound, yet I have no answers for them. Hm...

2006-01-24T18:56:00.000-08:00

I am positively doing a countdown to Chinese New Year! However, it is not the festive occasion that I am looking forward to. This is sad, but I am looking forward to CNY because it is a damn long holiday!!! Haha. I will be meeting Chai Tse this friday to catch 'Memoirs of a Geisha' movie. Heard from Hui Yin that it was a pretty good movie... Majority of the students are going out on this day and so I think the malls will be ridiculously crowded. Oh well.

2006-01-22T12:39:00.000-08:00

I went to play The Sims just now and ended up fiddling with the appearance section when creating a new female Sim. It is really astonishing to see how much a proper make-up can change one's looks. Just take a look at these 3 pictures.

See the difference?

2006-01-19T20:28:00.000-08:00

Whoa, just realised that I haven't been updating for such a long time already... Well, I am back to school now and life as a 2nd-year jc student has been pretty tough so far.

Soiree is around the corner. Actually, I think it is pretty cool for college publications to organise such events, although I feel that all the hype is a bit overrated. Haha, I nearly died yesterday when Eleanor wanted me to volunteer as bouncers with her during the sale of the Soiree tickets. I guess telling people off because they jump queues, just isn't my specialty (not mention my fear of being bashed up... lol). So in the end, Jingfang, Eleanor and me went to become the ushers for the Soiree. =)

Stayed back at school today for the class noticeboard decor. Those who stayed back (including me) were slightly flustered about doing the decorations. I didn't get to see the noticeboard being done up nicely though. I had to leave early this afternoon.

Before I forget, I have something to boast about today. Guess what? I ran a total of 6.8km within a short span of 3 days! Okay... I know it's hardly an incredible feat for certain (well, most) people, but for a lousy runner like me, the sense of achievement in completing the run was like conquering the Hercules to me. ^_^

2006-01-01T00:11:00.000-08:00

Does telling people publicly your charity deeds take away some of its kindness? Shu Wei suddenly popped this question to me today. I guess in some twisted way, this is true.

Good Samaritans wouldn't go show off their contributions to the society, would they? We expect these kind people to help the less forunate ones quietly, without making a fuss out of it.

Let's picture this. A wealthy businessman had just donated a whooping one million dollars to a charity organisation and made public of his action, instead of donating the amount of money anonymously. So he got to be reported on news due to his generous deed and his photographs were plastered all over the newspapers. It was as if he had become an instant celebrity.

But would a normal person really enjoy this sudden and unwanted attention from the public without a proper reason? Not likely. He had to attend those press conferences and interviews from reporters, you know.

Moreover, I would question the person's real motive behind doing those good deeds if he/she were to brag it in front of others. Hell, certain celebrities may even use for publicity sake. Of course, I am not saying that ALL celebrites are like that. Some of them may only hope to get more donations by making use of their popularity.

(On a side note, it's finally 2006!!! Whoo~!)

2005-12-27T21:11:00.000-08:00

I have been trying frantically to complete my homework these few days. Man, I honestly can't take it any longer. Think I'm going to collapse under all that pressure and die. Yea, I know I shouldn't do my work at the last minute, but I'm the type who won't bother until something goes terribly wrong...

Anyway, I am going to sum up the things that had happened to me recently. Well, despite my hectic schedule, I did watch the Slam Dunk OVA that was aired on Channel 8 during Christmas (Hehe). I thought the OVA was dead disappointing. It was *yawns* boring with hardly any story climax... Wasted my half an hour...

I wanted to buy the latest album by Orange Range when I was out for lunch today. But the CD was out of stock!! Just my luck. =(

2005-12-20T14:30:00.000-08:00

I broke my plate this afternoon. I was holding my plate of prawn noodles when my left hand slipped and the plate broke into pieces on the floor. It sure scared the shit out of me. My maid and I had to clean up the mess, and my lunch ended up in the trash can, instead of my stomach. So I had no choice but to eat instant noodles for lunch. ;_;

2005-12-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

I went to watch Slam Dunk recently. Man, Slam Dunk has got to be be my all-time favourite sports anime. Although I always thought the reason for Mitsui to become a gangster was not strong enough, I felt that his past story was the most touching in the anime. And the ending never fails to make me wanna laugh and cry at the same time... God, why must it end after only 101 episodes?? Hm, I realise I am rambling again... Guess it's time for me to take a break now. ^^

2005-12-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

Been busy lately, so I hardly have any time to update this blog. Sigh, guess what I am up to these days? Homework? Yep. What else? Alright, I know I am back to venting my frustations on my blog which may lead to endless mumblings like a certain someone (aka Shinji). So, it's wiser to stop here now. =)

2005-12-06T15:29:00.001-08:00

I don't know what is wrong with me these few days. My mood just swings up and down like a yo-yo. One minute I could laugh good-humouredly with people and then end up hurling things at them the next minute (Don't worry, it's just a figure of speech =P). I guess the trip back to my primary school had kind of unsettled my usually peaceful mind. I never thought I would change so much over the last four to five years...

Oh ya, I have changed the midi for this blog. Again. Haha, this is the third midi I have used this week if I'm not wrong.

2005-12-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

My mood is lifted up somehow today. Watched Star Awards last night and the results for the winners were quite surprising. I was disappointed when Kym Ng failed to clinch any award(s) from her nominations, but I was elated when I found out that Quan Yifeng had won the Top 10 Most Popular Female Artiste award. I think the Taiwanese host's personality and hosting skills have changed for the better over these years and I really enjoy watching her shows. =)

2005-12-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

I walked past my old primary school on my way to buy shoes today. Since it's school holiday right now, the school building was oddly quiet and empty. Even though the old school building had been demolished and rebuilt, a nostalgic feeling still swept over me when I glanced at the school through the wire-fence.

Good old memories flooded my mind. I remembered how I would cry over the tiniest things; break my limbs when trying to learn stunts during Chinese Dance practices; skive off prefect duties with my best friend; be bullied by a bunch of stupid people...

Recalling all these, makes me think how innocent I used to be. I mean, I got duped lots of times because of that (^^;;), but at least I was happy then. I had never questioned a person's motive and treated people with utmost honesty and sincerity. I study/play purely because of the love of studying/playing. But now, things have become so much more complicated as we grow up. We do things we don't want to, and say stuff we ought not to.

I'm tired of this life.

2005-12-02T21:50:00.000-08:00

Feel much better today. Got hooked on another manga called "Skipbeat!". The manga is about a teenage girl joining the media industry to get revenge. It isn't the typical shoujo manga where the female protagonist just *gags* falls head over heels with the guy at the very first sight. The words used in the manga were exceptionally beautiful and I just simply adore angsty love stories!! Though I thought the characters weren't well-drawn... -_-

2005-12-01T12:54:00.000-08:00

Feel terribly ill today. I was supposed to be in Malaysia by now, but because I had a high fever yesterday, I ended up staying at home with my mother instead... Sigh.

2005-11-29T15:02:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how lucky i got today. I accidentally went to this flash site and saw this!! Here is the link:

Flash/Shii's Song

The kitten is totally THE epitome of cuteness, don't you agree?

I have also finished writing the article for college publications. I don't think my article very good though, after reading Jingfang's one. =P

The Paradox Of Modern Life

Life is made up of needs and wants. We never need what we want or want what we need.

We start our life as a helpless baby, with no survival skills and completely dependent on others, and yet the aim of our development is to be independent.

We try to advise our friends out of concern, only to be snubbed and turned away. Ignoring their welfare and go along with them will possibly get them to like us more instead. Few friends will support us when we are down, but when we are thriving, even strangers will fawn over us.

As the society develops, we build taller buildings but have shorter tempers. Due to our hectic schedules, we are taught to rush, but not to wait. We install more computers to improve communication, but our social skills deteriorate consequently.

For the sake of a university degree, we study more, but learn less. We yearn for more, but accomplish less. Take the bird flu for example. There are more experts now, but even they cannot stop the proliferation of social problems. We learn new skills, when in reality; we never have the opportunity to use it.

With more money in our pockets, we spend and buy more, but possess and enjoy less. We now own bigger houses but have smaller families living in them. The poor long to enjoy a luxurious life like the rich and famous. Yet the rich and famous carve for nothing more than just a normal life like the poor. Talk about irony.

In today’s society, we lose our health to make money, only to lose money to restore our health back. People abuse drugs in hopes of gaining momentary freedom, but little did they know the drugs are the ones that will ultimately destroy their freedom. They become fully dependent on drugs, turning into slaves for drugs.

We may have multiplied our possessions, but our values have reduced. We treat friends too cautiously, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, scoff too much, drive too fast, eat too slowly, stay up too late, queue too early, read too rarely and watch movies too frequently. We have learnt how to make a living, but not a life. We have added years to life, not life to years. We never know what we have done wrong until we live to regret it.

When we were children, we got bored with childhood and rushed to grow up. However in our later years, we long to be children again. By anxiously thinking about the future, we forget the present such that we live neither in the present nor the future.

Things don’t come to us when we need them, but they come knocking on our doors when we don’t.

This however, is what makes life challenging. This is what makes it so beautiful. The paradox of modern life.

The article is a bit too short right? It's only 486 words long, way below the 550 word limit...

2005-11-28T14:17:00.000-08:00

I am back home from grandma's house today. Started a bit on the article I am supposed to write for college publication. I'm not writng a current affairs article though. <- Is a fickle-minded girl

Oh ya, I have changed the blog layout. It's Hilary Duff this time!! Haha, I think I'll stick to this layout for some time. I had spent lots of time trying to make the ink splatters look 'natural', you know... =P

2005-11-26T00:54:00.000-08:00

I stayed up pretty late to watch 'Rumbling Hearts' on Central tonight and was glad that the anime turned out to be quite okay. But the timing is weird for me though. I don't watch/like the 11:00PM anime (Sorry, I forgot the spelling of the title... =P), so there is time gap even after I have finished watching the news...

2005-11-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

I have been pretty busy with college publications matters lately. I had finished the CCA site layout a long time ago, but I went to do a bit of touch-up recently. Unfortunately, there is hardly any content yet. I couldn't scan any of the CP's previous issues as they are WAY bigger than A4 size!!! I tried scanning the top half of the issue, followed by the bottom half, but the combined scanned issue looked a bit funny in my opinion. =_="

Anyway, I did the fun page already, but I don't seem to have any suitable content to write for the current affairs article. Sigh.

I watched 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' yesterday and it was definitely the best HP movie yet!!! The visual effects were simply spectacular and I was quite glad that the movie makers had changed majority of the jokes mentioned in the books. I mean, jokes are normally no longer hilarious after listening to them once right? ^^ I would give them 4 out of 5 stars!

2005-11-16T21:54:00.000-08:00

I had a dental appointment today. I discovered a piece of wire sticking out of my braces last night, so obviously I had to get some help. Imagine my horror when I saw that piece of wire on the mirror!! *faints* No wonder I was feeling weird, as though a sharp needle was poking my tongue for that whole day... =.="

2005-11-15T02:51:00.000-08:00

Haha, I went to take another quiz again today. Hmm... Is this accurate? I don't know. You tell me. lol

Your Personality Profile

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.
You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.
You are good natured and people enjoy your company.
You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

2005-11-13T23:41:00.000-08:00

I don't seem to be able to sleep tonight, which is why I am currently typing for my blog. I went to do this quiz and this is the result:

Your Birthdate: July 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.
Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.
When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.
It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2005-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

Had a weird dream last night. I dreamt myself being at a fifteen-storey factory. Fifteen storey factory?? Honestly... In my dream, I was taking a lift and I saw myself pressing the "15" lift button. Soon I got out of the lift and climbed up to the rooftop. I then found myself sitting near the edge with both my feet dangling off the building. The next thing I knew, I fell off the building. Eeks!!!! That was when I woke up with a dizzy feeling. That dream seriously freaked me out and the fact that I could still remember the dream vividly when I woke up, didn't help either. =(

2005-11-10T23:47:00.000-08:00

I had made a new layout for my blog and guess who is on it???? Fuji Syusuke!!! I guess many people do not know who the hell is this 'cartoon' character... Well, he's one of the main characters in a japanese anime called "Tennis no Oujisama". In a nutshell, this guy - can I call him a sadist? *smiles* - is a very good tennis player and claims that he enjoys seeing people suffering. I don't know if he's joking, but you get the idea. -_-"

I have also taken the background music off the blog, since I find the midi a bit too loud and that not everyone enjoys listening to japanese anime music (take my sis for instance)...

2005-11-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

Went to read some fanfics today. Here are some Harry Potter fanfics that I have enjoyed reading:

A Flying Commentary

Realizations

Changing the Hands of Time

2005-11-06T13:40:00.000-08:00

As usual, there is nothing much to talk about today, so I'm going to write about my music preference. Yep, I'm THAT bored right now.

Hm... I generally don't discriminate against certain genres of music. I do listen to japanese music, though I don't even understand a single word in the songs. =P I used to really like mainstream pop music too. I remembered that Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez were some of my favourite singers. ^^

Then during my secondary days, I switched to liking punk music, including songs by Blink 182 and Sex Pistols. Now, while I still like pop and punk music, Coldplay and Moby are among my latest favourites as well, though I don't know what their music can be classified under...

My current favourite singers are Hillary Duff (Don't you dare to cringe!!!!), Avril Lavigne, Moby, Ayumi Hamasaki (No rolling of eyes, please), Gackt, Marion Raven, Gwen Stefani

And my current favourite bands are The Corrs, Coldplay, Blink 182, Sugababes, Five For Fighting, Mr. Children, Do As Infinity

2005-11-03T09:25:00.000-08:00

Have been idling at home for two days straight. Think that I'm going to rot soon. Man, there's nothing much to do during this period of time... *Strumming my fingers*

2005-11-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

Jay Chou's latest album is out today. This piece of news should not be of concern for me <- the person who DON'T really like Jay Chou. But my sister actually wanted me to buy his album when I went out to Suntec City today. Sigh, for an anti-Jay person like me, it was so embarassing to carry that big scroll of Jay Chou's poster around. -_-"

2005-10-31T19:28:00.000-08:00

Took the 'A' level Chinese exam this morning. I had difficulty in answering certian questions, but I guess I did okay overall. While I have nothing much to say about the exam itself, I do have LOTS to grumble about what took place during the exam.

First of all, we practically had to wait outside the hall for 45 minutes. What made it worse, was that I had actually came early so as not to be late. >.< Then, after sitting in a freezing cold hall for 3 hours, the invigilators took about another hour to COUNT the papers.

I was practically shivering in cold. Finally, I couldn't take it and bolted straight to the washroom (with the invigilator's permission, of course). I sighed in bliss when I felt the warmness in the toilet. Okay, I know it sounds disgusting... I then used the hand dryer to warm my numb hands.

When we were FINALLY dismissed, Jing Fang's face was almost as pale as Malfoy's. She was complaining and even cursed in anger. Haha, I wondered if she even realized that.

2005-10-30T10:32:00.000-08:00

Did a bit of revision for Chinese 'A' levels exams last night at 11 pm. Sigh, this means that I have got lots of stuff to revise today. I tried to use the computer to look up for the meanings of certain Chinese proverbs, but ended up reading fanfics instead... -_-"

Anyway, I'm a self-proclaimed Harry/Hermione and Harry/Draco (yep, I find this pairing very humorous) fan. The funny thing is that I don't really support Harry/Ginny pairing, though after reading the sixth book, this pairing is most likely to happen. Y_Y

Enough of my babbling, I can go on and on about Harry Potter without knowing how much it annoys people (i.e. My sister). Please wish me good luck for tomorrow's exam!!!!!! Man, God knows I need all the luck I can get.

2005-10-29T18:23:00.000-07:00

Am feeling very lethargic today. Had a dental appointment this morning and went for a haircut as well. I couldn't take screenshots of THE SIMS 2, so I ended up using the 'Print Screen' key to obtain a picture of my SIM character. Her name is Amarylis. =P

2005-10-28T13:52:00.000-07:00

Lots of things happened to me today, which is why I am here updating my blog straight after school.

The first thing I want to write about is that I got promoted after all. I know I should be tremendously relieved, but this only put me in a dilemma... I just managed to meet the criteria, so you can say that it hardly made me feel any better...

The next thing I want to say is that I TOTALLY screwed up my PW presentation today. I was way too nervous and everything didn't seem to go the way I wanted it to be. I was also not loud and clear enough during my presentation and he (<- Mr Audi) actually made me shout out loudly in front of the class. Thankfully, the entire class was not present, or I would have fainted right on the spot. Well, I am just not the type of person that can speak loudly. Hm...

2005-10-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated my blog for quite some time. Guess what am I doing for the past three days? Haha, I bet you have no idea. I bought The Sims 2 recently and totally got hooked on the pc game. I am stil trying to figure out how to take screenshots of the game though, so that I can post them up here...

2005-10-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

My throat hurts like hell today. I have just finished watching Tennis no Oujisama vcds and is almost bored to tears now. Man, this must be one of the most boring Saturdays I ever have. *Yawns*

2005-10-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

Just finished dinner and is extremely tired right now. Got ANOTHER AO for geo, so 3 AOs for me then... '_' >_< T_T Am really sad that this means the end of my jc life. I got a bit numb for the first hour after I got back my geo paper, because I was really too busy to let my emotions to sink in yet. And when it happens, my stomach literally took a nosedive and hit the floor. *Banging my head against the computer moniter* Sigh... I got a really sad life.

2005-10-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

Found out my score for gp, chinese and econs today. Nearly got a heart attack. I was very happy when I got back my gp and chinese paper. THEN the econ paper had to be given back too and totally spoiled my joyous mood... Sigh, I got AO for econs. Think that I'll most likely have to repeat another year. Sorry about recent pessimistic posts, but that's me and my life... T_T

2005-10-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

Got back my maths result this morning and it was terrible. I did say that I was all prepared to go to a poly if I have to repeat this year and I sincerely feel that jc life isn't for me. But scoring that low for a paper is still shocking lor... Besides, judging from Mr. Ng's comments on my paper, I think he is really disappointed in me.

Sigh, the only thing that has brightened my gloomy day a little, is the fact that I have finally bought Tennis no Oujisama episode 131-160. I know I should be grieving over my abysmal math score, but the joy of being able to watch more PoT is simply overwhelming...

2005-10-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

My sis bought TEENAGE magazine today and you know who's on cover? Emma Watson!!! I immediately got the magazine from Val (sis), right after she had finished reading. There is a 4-page article on Harry Potter movies, which I find it tad too short. Oh well. Here are the scans of the Harry Potter article.

2005-10-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

This morning has been loooong and tiring for me. I just finished my Chinese homework and is currently terribly exhausted. Oh yes, I went to this journal site and find it quite interesting. Guess whose journal site is it? It is Moby's!!!!

Okay, I know some people may not be as excited as me... (I am sorta his fan after all) But his blog is really worth a visit. The site is very neat (I mean, literally) and Moby is being very sarcastic most of time. Some people may say that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour, but I feel that these people may have to think twice now. =P

Here is the link to his blog.

2005-10-14T00:47:00.000-07:00

Whoo~! Finally, finished doing this layout at last! ^^ Man, I spent almost two hours on this freaking layout lah... No choice mah, since I don't know how to do a blogskin beforehand, I had to learn from scratch lor. ^^;; The background midi is a japanese song by Ayumi Hamasaki by the way.

Anyway, the teachers went through Mother Tongue and Economics promo papers today. I think I'm gonna fail both subjects. I misintepreted the question for my Chinese essay and I think I'm going to flunk my econ essay... So today is a pretty sad day for me... ;_;